I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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