my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
