you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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