Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
