if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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