fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
