He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
