If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
