Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize