We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
