Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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