Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
