She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
How naked do you want me to be?
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