it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
