i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
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I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
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Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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