Need sex. Gaining weight.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
