This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
