I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
