So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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