He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
So much Jack, so little girl.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
