I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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