i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We have so much sex to catch up on
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
