Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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