If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
