when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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