onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
