i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
