Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
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If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
