You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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