You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
