I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
