Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
