My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
