The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
