There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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