Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
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Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
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If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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