As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
