I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
