I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
