Need sex. Gaining weight.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
my sisters under your porch take her home
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
