His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I intend to get homeless drunk
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
