erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
