found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
