you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
