Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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