Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
