I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
