Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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