i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
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Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
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Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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