is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
it's great music for shaving your balls
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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