just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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