Ambien. No doubt about it.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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