its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
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protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
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I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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