I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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