first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
