Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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