Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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