your parents love me but you hate me
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
