The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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