in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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