Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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