The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just forgot I was standing up.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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