I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
