Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
