pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
