Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
