can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
