saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
