drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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